What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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