Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
