he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
