I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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