i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
