the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
