So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize