I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
