i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
