I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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