dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
