She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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