dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
