i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
