Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
