I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
