before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk is not a location!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize