When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
