i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
