I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
