Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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