I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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