am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
