she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
