Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
