I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
