I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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