After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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