I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
