i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
