Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
