You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
