hotel room ftw
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
