he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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