what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
