what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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