I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
