'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
