I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
