you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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