I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
