Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
