2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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