is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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