Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
