i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
