Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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