How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
