hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
