i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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