I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
