she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
