Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
