We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
