Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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