xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
