he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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