hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
