guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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