That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
