Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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