apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
