Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize