Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
