Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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