You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize