I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
