i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
