dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize