Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You can't just leave with hair like that
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have aggressive nipples.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
