I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize