She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
