hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize